


Shutdown

by kethni



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Season/Series 06, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-19 08:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18133595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kethni/pseuds/kethni
Summary: No second chances. Sue was not one of those people who enjoyed the endless unnecessary melodrama of breaking up and getting back together. She and Kent had argued a great deal towards the end of their short relationship. Some people seemed to enjoy that sort of thing. She had found it stressful and distressing. Kent had too actually.





	1. Chapter 1

Sue was awake before the alarm. That was nothing new. She didn’t move. It was dark. It was warm. It was quiet.

The alarm went off eventually. she thought about leaving it blaring. it felt too far to reach. Too much effort.

George opened the bedroom door, piercing the comfortable darkness with screaming light.

‘Jesus, Susie,’ he said, turning off the alarm.

‘I was going to get it.’

‘When?’

She pulled the covers over her head as he threw open the curtains and windows.

‘It’s cold!’ she protested.

‘Get out of that damn bed or I will drag you out.’

Sue lowered the covers to her nose and glowed at him. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘Try me,’ he said.

‘After everything I’ve done for you?’

‘Because of everything you’ve done for me.’ George sat on the side of the bed. ‘Come on, Susie. You promised. Get up. Get ready. Got to work.’

Sue closed her eyes. ‘I can’t today. Maybe –’

She screamed as George picked up bodily.

‘Just for a few hours,’ he said, carrying her out to the bathroom.

‘Put me down, you ox!’

‘Oh, finally some fight in you,’ George said. He pushed her into the shower cubicle. ‘Bathe. Then I will make you breakfast, and we’ll walk to work.’

She folded her arms. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to run a marathon on the way?’

George shrugged. ‘Just walk. You haven’t been out of the house in a week and frankly, honey, you smell. So, get up or I’ll hose you off like a dirty dog.’

‘I hate you,’ she said.

George sighed. ‘Yeah, I believe you.’

***

Maggots rolled down a pile of putrid garbage and wriggled across the sidewalk. A waiting pigeon picked them one by one.

Sue looked at George. ‘Have I said thank you for getting me out of the house?’

‘Nope.’

She stepped over a rivulet of putrescence rolling into the gutter. ‘Can you guess why?’

George checked his watch. ‘I’ll come pick you up at lunchtime.’

‘That’s not necessary.’ she said drily.

‘You’ve got to take your meds again at twelve-thirty.’ He nudged her with his shoulder. ‘No excuses. I’m gonna make sure that you do.’

Sue glanced at a newspaper as they walked past a kiosk.

‘I don’t need a babysitter.’

George nudged her with his shoulder. Given his height and size it risked giving her a concussion. ‘Seems like you do.’

‘Ow,’ she grumbled.

They reached the West Wing. Sue squared her shoulders as she looked across the overgrown lawn.

‘I’ll see you at lunchtime,’ George promised. ‘Try not to kill anyone.’

Sue raised a freshly coiffed eyebrow. ‘Because we’ll have trouble hiding the body in a shutdown?’

‘Nah, we’d just drop it off at a National Park and let the bears at it,’ he said. ‘But most of the West Wing staffers are furloughed. You kill one of the ones still at work and people will notice.’

Sue nodded. ‘The only reason nobody has killed Jonah.’

George kissed her cheek. ‘Yeah but then they’d cheer.’

***

The quiet was a blessing. The idea of having to walk through the hundreds of staffers usually around... ugh. It set her teeth on edge. This, the near apocalypse level of staff, during the shutdown, was manageable for now. Just about.

She was going through her emails, far fewer than she expected thanks to the shutdown, then POTUS arrived. She gave Sue what looked like a genuine smile.

‘Now there’s a sight for sore eyes,’ Montez said.

‘Ma’am,’ Sue said, her shoulders clenching.

‘I hope that you’re feeling better,’ Montez said. ‘We’ve missed you.’

‘Ma’am.’

Montez licked her lips. ‘You’ve worked through a shutdown before, right?’

‘The Hughes shutdown,’ Sue agreed. ‘Yes.’

‘I’m glad you’re here,’ Montez said. ‘You know the territory.’

Sue preened a little.

***

She hadn’t been in touch with anyone from the Meyer administration. Amy had followed Buddy out to, ugh, Nevada, Gary considered her a traitor for working with Montez, and Mike was... Mike. Sue had little enough time for him when they were both working in the same office. She had no time for him now.

Kent had sent her a card, George said. As had Joyce and Ben. In practical terms that meant Joyce. She hadn’t read them. She hadn’t read any of the cards or texts and she hadn’t listened to any of the messages.

She checked her makeup and straightened her desk. Then she checked her watch. Jonah was perennially late, because of course he was. He was disorganised and selfish. People who were late were disorganised, selfish, or both. Ben was either early or late, depending on what else was going on in the crazed, out of control whirligig that was his life.

Kent was always punctual.

She was mildly surprised then when, somehow, Jonah arrived for his meeting with POTUS five minutes early. Sue checked her watch, and Ben shook his head frantically.

Ah. That made much more sense.

‘Why are you dressed like Eddie Munster on an internship?’ Sue asked.

‘My girlfriend, who is a real person who doesn’t live in Canada, bought me this suit,’ Jonah said.

‘Her father paid,’ Kent said.

‘That’s right. I have a girlfriend now,’ Jonah crowed. ‘These two didn’t have to find her on a dating app or anything.’

Sue looked at Ben. He shrugged.

‘Dating website was a bust,’ he said. ‘Kent had more luck. He scored lots of dates with tons of chicks.’

Kent shot him a look. ‘This isn’t the fifties. “Chicks” is a disrespectful term that nobody uses.’

‘Right!’ Jonah said. ‘They say bitches.’

Sue glared at him. ‘Excuse me?’

He cowered back. ‘Um, I’m sorry! It’s not... I didn’t mean...’

The private line for POTUS rang. Sue didn’t stop glaring at Jonah even as she answered.

‘Yes Ma’am. Yes, Ma’am. I will.’ She put the phone down. ‘You can go in.’

Jonah drew himself up and stomped towards the office door.

‘Good to see you,’ Ben said to Sue as he walked past the door.

‘You appear well.’ Kent gave her a nod, which was fine, and a look which was a distressing mix of curiosity and pity.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

***

George speared fries with his fork. ‘How did he look?’

‘Jonah looked ridiculous,’ she said. ‘He always looks ridiculous. The only thing that varies is the specifics.’

George snorted. ‘Your boy, Kent.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘Kent is _not_ my boy.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘You’re avoiding the question.’

‘It’s a dull question,’ Sue said. She shrugged. ‘Fine. Much the same.’

George looked at her from under his eyelashes. ‘Tight little butt still tight?’

Sue threw a fry at him. ‘I never said he had a little butt.’

George grinned at her. ‘What did you say? Peachy buns?’

She squared her shoulders. ‘I refuse to be embarrassed.’

‘I don’t want you to be embarrassed,’ he said. ‘I want you to admit that you checked out your ex-boyfriend’s butt.’

Sue fought a small smile. ‘It was certainly the most attractive butt in the room,’ she said. ‘But given that Ben and Jonah are either physically or otherwise off-putting it is not much of a compliment.’

Gorge sipped his La Croix. ‘If I’d bumped into Piotr at work. I would be checking him out to see if he was still hot, if he was dating, whatever. I want to know who won!’

Sue played with her fork. ‘I won, obviously. He looked... fine. Ben made a big thing about Kent dating various women.’

George rested his chin on his fist. ‘Ah.’

‘Ah?’

‘Not good. For him,’ he said. ‘He’s not over you.’

Sue gave him a blank look. ‘What?’

George ticked his fingers off as he spoke. ‘One, he wanted to settle down with you. Two, after you dumped his tight tushy he was single for ages. Three, he’s finally dating, but he’s not settling with any of them. He’s just flapping around looking for another you.’

Sue sat up a little straighter. ‘He won’t succeed. There’s only one me.’

George nodded. ‘Thank Jesus for that.’

‘Shut up,’ Sue advised him.

‘Did you see him on his way out?’ George asked. ‘Did you get your flirt on with him?’

Sue tensed. ‘At work? Don’t be ludicrous. I’m a married woman.’

George snorted. ‘You’re married to me, you know. I give you permission to fuck other men.’

Sue finished her food. ‘I don’t _give_ you permission to fuck other men,’ she said tartly.

‘You’re a hard woman, Sue Levinson.’

‘Wilson-Levison,’ she corrected.

‘You should call him.’

‘I’m certainly not going to call him.’

***

No second chances. Sue was not one of those people who enjoyed the endless unnecessary melodrama of breaking up and getting back together. She and Kent had argued a great deal towards the end of their short relationship. Some people seemed to enjoy that sort of thing. She had found it stressful and distressing. Kent had too actually.

She didn’t know why she was thinking about him. Work had been exhausting. All she wanted to do was go home and sleep. Instead she was at the gym with her sister. It was a conspiracy. George and Kim were obviously in cahoots to make her life utterly intolerable.

On the treadmill in front of her an older man was jogging. That was why she was reminded of Kent. Nothing more meaningful. She wasn’t thinking about him.

The fact was that she hadn’t thought about him much recently. The world had faded to a grey and listless buzz. Food was tasteless. Music tuneless. Her concentration scattered. The thought of sex, let alone dating, was as far from her mind as the thought of climbing Everest.

‘Ew,’ Kim said.

Sue gave her a side eye.

‘You’re the one perving on some random old geezer at the gym,’ Kim said.

‘I was not.’

‘Tell your face.’ Kim gulped water. ‘Thank fuck that you’re at least perving on _someone_. You can’t spend your life as George’s beard.’

Sue pulled a face. ‘I hate that term.’

‘Stop being all beardy then.’

***

Montez had her feet up on the desk and was watching the news when Sue brought in for her coffee.

‘Have you seen this, Sue?’ Montez asked. She waved an arm at the screen. ‘It’s being reported that Ryan has fired Cafferty. They’ve got us by the cojones. What’s Ryan thinking?’

Sue shrugged. ‘Perhaps Ben hit him.’

Montez raised her eyebrows. ‘You think?’

‘Possible if not probable.’ Sue said. ‘Ben isn’t a patient man at best and Jonah could drive a statue to drink.’

Montez tapped her feet together. ‘If someone’s going to deck that asshole then they should at least let me watch. I deserve that.’

‘If we sold tickets then we could make a serious dent in the national debt,’ Sue suggested.

Montez sipped her coffee. ‘I would say it’s good news for us, but Davison is still there. For all we know Cafferty’s interference stopped Ryan from fully following Davison’s strategy.’

Sue stared at her. Sometimes she forgot that her new colleagues had not had direct experience of the depths of Jonah’s idiocy, spite, and bile.

‘If anyone is stopping Kent from helping Jonah achieve political excellence then it is Jonah.’

***

Sue pulled a face.

George nudged her with his elbow. ‘You’ll give yourself wrinkles,’ he warned.

‘I will never have wrinkles,’ she said firmly.

‘Who has a party celebrating getting fired?’

‘Ben does, apparently.’ Sue put her hand on her bedroom door. ‘Goodnight.’

George leaned against the wall. ‘You should text her back.’

She snorted. ‘I’m not going to Ben’s party.’

‘Sure, you are.’

She narrowed her eyes. ‘Why would I do that?’

George winked. ‘So that you can see your boy, Kent.’

She groaned and pushed herself into her room. ‘He’s not my boy!’

They had hardly had a relationship. A handful of dates which began with desire and devolved into rage. By the end they could barely speak two words to each other without a full-blown row.

That was no basis for a relationship. There was a long list of things that excited her that were nonetheless no basis for a relationship. They included, in no particular order: the way that Kent’s ass filled his trousers, the taste of his kisses, the feel of his tongue inside her, and the way that he understood her sense of humour. Men never “got” her humour.

No. Kent was not “her boy.” Had he ever been? He had been a little too keen. A little too involved. A little too much her boy, in fact.

Sue was a discrete unit. Intimacy was somewhere she visited occasionally, when the mood struck, it was not a place where she lived. She needed space, both literally and metaphorically, physically, and psychologically. Kent had not been good with space. He bounced around demanding attention and spilling affection like a concussed terrier. He was A Lot of Work at a time when she had neither the time nor the energy for A Lot of Work.

She had even less energy and hardly any more time now. So, the fact that she was thinking about him was baffling. Would he even be at Ben’s ridiculous party?

He would, she decided. To some, Ben and Kent were enemies. Constantly snarling and snapping at each other, continually attempting to destroy the other’s careers. Sue had thought that once. At work it seemed to be, if not true, then at least possible. Out of work, when casually socialising, they bickered and bantered, taunted and teased. Teased! That had genuinely shocked her. When socialising they behaved very much like her brothers.

Sue pulled the covers up over her head. It was annoying that she was thinking about Kent at all. It was just because she’d seen him suddenly. That was all.

What she should do was go to the party. See Kent. Get it out of her system, as it were. Yes. She’d see him. Make semi-polite conversation. Then she’d go home and forget all about him.

***

George had a date. This wasn’t unusual generally, but it hadn’t happened... for quite a while. When she gave it some thought, she realised that he hadn’t gone out on a date since she had been… unwell. Sue muted the television as George strolled around in skinny jeans and a silk shirt.

‘That cannot be healthy,’ Sue said.

‘You bought me this aftershave for Christmas,’ George said.

Sue raised her eyebrows. ‘I was not referring to your excessive use of scent,’ she said.

George put his hands on his hips. ‘Then to what were you referring Ms Smartass?’

‘Your appalling moose knuckles.’

He glanced down. ‘If you’ve got flaunt it. I’ve got it and I’m gonna flaunt it.’

Sue snorted. ‘That’s not flaunting. That’s squishing. You look like your testicles are being attacked by your clothing.’

George pulled on his jacket. ‘You don’t understand men’s fashion.’

‘Neither do you if you think that you’re fashionable.’ She stood up, stepped forward, and in a quick movement adjusted his jeans. ‘There. Now you don’t look like a cheap lay.’

He waggled his hand. ‘I _aim_ to be a medium cost lay.’

‘Then you should look expensive,’ Sue said. ‘Never let a man feel he entirely deserves to have you.’

George gave her a look. ‘That’s some toxic, shit, Susie.’

‘High self-esteem is _not_ toxic,’ she retorted.

‘Great! When you get some let me know,’ he said.

Sue slumped back down onto the couch. ‘You’re an asshole.’

‘Takes one to know one.’ George kissed her cheek. ‘Are you gonna be okay?’

Sue groaned. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘You haven’t been alone overnight in a while.’

Sue snorted. ‘You’re not going to get laid looking that like. You’ll be back in a couple of hours.’

He pulled on his jacket. ‘That’s just hurtful.’  

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Sue had met Joyce twice before, but she had spoken to her on the phone several times: generally, when Joyce was explaining that Ben was too hungover, overwrought, or depressed to come into work. She certainly didn’t expect the level of effusion that Joyce greeted her with.

‘It’s so nice to see you! This must be your husband…?’

‘George,’ he said.

‘Lovely!’ Joyce said. ‘Come inside. Kent and Effie are already here.’

Sue’s lips twisted up. ‘Her name is _Effie_?’

‘Play nicely,’ George murmured.

She sniffed. ‘You don’t like it anymore than I do.’

‘I don’t dislike it as much as you do,’ he replied.

They strolled into the house. In the living room Kent, in a truly hideous lime green shirt, was chatting to a tiny dark-skinned woman in an orange dress.

‘Blind me now,’ Sue said to George.

‘Do me first.’

Joyce clapped her hands together. ‘Here are Sue and George. Do you have drinks? Has Ben gone for drinks? I’ll get drinks.’

Kent met Sue’s eyes. He was just barely smiling.

‘He went upstairs to get some gin,’ he said.

‘Gin! It’s foul!’ Joyce demanded. ‘I’ll go get wine!’

As she bustled from the room, Kent’s companion shuffled her feet.

‘I love gin,’ she said sheepishly.

Sue saw Kent take George in. He was taller than Kent and much stockier. Kent was a little leaner than she remembered, but perhaps it was simply that it was a long time since she’d seen him without a jacket.

George shook Kent’s hand, almost engulfing it. Then they started chatting about the character on the t-shirt that George was wearing.

Rude. She had moved on first, as far as Kent knew, and he ought to have the decency to be touchy about it, if not actually jealous. Admittedly, it was hard to believe that anyone who actually knew George would think there was any reason for jealousy. But Kent didn’t know him and, given his social tone deafness, it was difficult to believe he had fully functional gaydar.

‘Nerds,’ Effie said affectionately.

‘You own every single Marvel movie,’ Kent retorted.

‘Aren’t they mainstream?’ Sue asked.

‘Thank you,’ Effie said. ‘Not nerdy. Also, it has cute boys. Cute boys have nothing to do with nerds.’

Sue smirked as Kent and George scowled.

‘That is a remarkably judgemental –’

‘That’s not fair –’

Sue looked at Effie. ‘Why do men think they can debate you into finding them attractive?’

‘Because they confuse annoyed silence with agreement.’ Effie said. ‘You know, like with dick pics.’

Sue glanced at Kent. She couldn’t help herself. A little spot of redness touched his cheeks and then faded.

‘Who’s sending dick pics?’ Ben asked, shouldering his way into the room.

He looked George up, and up, and down. ‘Jesus, Sue, do you to climb a stepladder to –’

‘Ben!’ Joyce snapped.

He spread out his hands. ‘I was gonna say kiss.’

‘No, you weren’t,’ Kent said.

‘What Kent said.’ Joyce shook her head. ‘You’re unemployed now. You need to be nicer to people.’

Ben gave Effie her drink and poured himself a whiskey. ‘Being unemployed is better than working for Jonah.’

‘A root canal is better than working for Jorah,’ Kent said.

‘Then why are you doing it?’ Sue asked.

‘The man has to eat.’ George said mildly.

Kent nodded. ‘Also, insurance concerns. Getting fired isn’t an issue but quitting would be.’

‘That’s nonsensical,’ Sue said.

Kent’s moustache twitched. ‘Have you read the terms and conditions of your medical insurance recently?’

***

Somehow, Sue had envisioned dinner as being either something from Joyce’s cultural repertoire, perhaps a rice or noodle dish, or some bland American dish. She had noticed that Ben was rather dull in his palate, unlike Kent who was very particular in how things were served but less discriminating in what _kind_ of thing he would eat. She did not anticipate a selection of Mexican dishes so spicy that there was almost a heat haze above the table.

Ben had a plate of white rice and a skinless chicken drumstick. He stared at it gloomily.

Under the table, something touched Sue’s hand: plastic but not rigid. She glanced across at Kent, who was leaning forward to pass her whatever it was. But he was looking at Effie. Sue accepted the container and surreptitiously looked at it.

She waited until Joyce was arguing with Ben before spooning some of the contents onto a side dish. George poked her waist.

‘Girl, where did you get sour cream?’

‘You want some?’

George snorted. ‘No, I can eat Mexican without being a pussy.’

‘Yes, but do you want sour cream for your meal?’ she asked.

‘Oh, you think you’re so funny.’

Sue smiled serenely. She noticed Kent glance towards, her, and returned the tub to him under the table.

George raised his eyebrows. ‘He gave you sour cream.’

‘Presumably he brought it for himself,’ Sue said. ‘Doubtless he’s had Joyce’s cooking before.’

‘Sure, and then made a thing of giving some of it to you.’ He nudged her. ‘Boy knows about you and spicy food.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘You’re so oatmeal and mayonnaise,’ George suggested.

She shuddered. ‘That sounds disgusting.’

‘Well, not together,’ he agreed. ‘That would be way too exciting for you.’

Joyce was talking to Kent. ‘Tell us how you and Effie met,’ she urged.

Kent and Effie exchanged a look.

‘She’s in my yoga class,’ Kent said.

‘Kent was so supportive when my marriage broke up,’ Effie said, squeezing his hand.

Sue pursed her ups. ‘Preying on a divorced woman, Kent? You’re spending too much time with Dan Egan.’

Kent rolled his eyes. ‘I’m surprised you think that I’m capable or preying on anyone.’

‘You’re a man,’ she said sweetly.

‘Ten dollars in the misandry jar,’ Kent suggested.

Effie sipped her drink. ‘The misogyny jar must be huge.’

Kent went pale. ‘You think I’m a misogynist?’

‘This took a turn,’ George said.

‘Of course he isn’t,’ Sue said sharply.

Kent and Effie looked at her.

Effie cocked her head. ‘But you said he preys on vulnerable women just because he’s a man?’

‘That was a joke,’ Sue protested. ‘Kent knows it’s my humour,’ she said, stung.

‘Are we gonna have a cat fight?’ Ben asked, brightening.

Kent put his hand tightly on Effie’s, a careful, almost tentative touch. ‘Your point about the relatively greater prevalence of misogyny is well made,’ he said.

She looked embarrassed. ‘Didn’t mean to suggest you were a misogynist.’

‘I’m sure I have my moments.’ he said mildly.

George nudged Sue with his elbow. She was sure that she had nothing to apologise for, and she wasn’t going to just because a man thought she should.

***

They left when Ben began talking loudly about “early mornings.” Joyce chided him but Sue followed Kent and Effie’s lead in standing up. George was trying to finish his dessert.

It was a bright night. A full moon illuminated the completely flat tire on Sue’s car.

‘Shit,’ George said.

‘Do you have a spare?’ Kent asked.

‘George walked around to the trunk. ‘I think so. Never changed one before though.’

‘I’ll call Triple A,’ Sue said.

Kent took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. ‘If you’ve got a jack I can help. Will take ten minutes instead of waiting Lord knows how long for Triple A.’

Sue glanced at Effie. ‘Would you mind?’

‘As long as I don’t have to do it.’ Effie sat on the hood of Kent’s car. ‘You two be manly and we’ll watch.’

Sue stood next to her. ‘You may have a greater appreciation for manliness than I do.’

Kent got the tire out of the trunk.

‘Seriously? Your husband is built like The Rock. How can you...’

She trailed as they both watched George checking out Kent’s ass.

‘Uh-huh,’ Effie said, and looked at Sue.

‘He’s gay,’ Sue said.

‘No shit.’

Sue shifted her feet. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘Is it though?’ Effie asked. ‘Kent’s a good friend. He didn’t want to come to this on his own.’

Sue’s shoulders relaxed. ‘George and I are married. He’s not here because I didn’t want to come alone.’ She licked her lips when Kent grunted with effort.

‘So, why’s he here?’

Sue looked at the other woman. ‘His parents have rather old-fashioned ideas.’

‘Old-fashioned?’ Effie echoed. ‘Fucking stone-aged I’d say if he needs a beard.’ She sniffed. ‘He’s a big enough boy to tell mommy and daddy to screw off.’

‘Certainly,’ Sue agreed. ‘Mommy and daddy’s money on the other hand...’ She shrugged. ‘Inheritance is a powerful motivator.’

‘Hell, yeah it is,’ Effie sniffed. ‘Sucks for you though.’

Sue shrugged. ‘I’ll get my share when we divorce.’ They watched the men stand up and brush themselves off. ‘But I do miss companionship.’

Effie gave her a long look. ‘Why’d you break up with Kent?’

‘Why do you ask?’

Effie flicked back her hair. ‘Because that’s exactly what he says about being single.’

***

Sue went for a walk. Exercise was supposed to help; if only because it was more difficult to properly feel that everything was a heavy, suffocating weight when you were distracted hoping that everyone else exercising died a quick and agonising death. She was not enjoying her walk, but then she didn’t enjoy much these days. George frequently called her a curmudgeon. She barely mustered up the enthusiasm to masturbate more than once or twice a month.   

When she and Kent were dating, they once had sex three times in one day. Only once, as it was quite time-consuming. But they’d done it, and she’d been positively enthusiastic about it. All the times they’d had sex; once a day, twice a day, whatever, she had been extremely engaged.

Sue kicked a tree. It was not very satisfying.

She saw a familiar figure loitering by a coffee shop. He was jingling his change in his pocket.

‘Are you allowed caffeine during the day?’ Sue asked tartly.

‘On special occasions,’ Kent said, turning to her. His eyes were bright, and his skin was flushed.

‘Are you ill?’ she asked, startled.

‘Jonah just fired me,’ he said cheerfully. ‘Do you wish to join me for a coffee? Perhaps a cake.’

Sue blinked. ‘Okay,’ she said carefully. ‘Yes. You probably shouldn’t be alone at the moment.’

He ignored that and opened the door for her. They found a table at the back of the coffee shop and waited for a server.

‘Have you told Ben that you’ve been fired?’ Sue asked.

‘Why would I?’ Kent shifted around in his seat to look at the display of cakes, tarts, and pies.

Sue pursed her lips and shot off a text. ‘Because you need emotional support from your social network and Ben is the only friend of yours that I know.’ She thought about it. ‘I suppose your biker buddies, but I’m not sure that would be particularly helpful.’

Kent turned back as the server approached. ‘A cappuccino and a slice of cherry pie please.’

Sue crossed her legs. ‘A latte and an apricot slice.’

Kent’s knee was joggling. Sue waited until the server left and looked pointedly at his leg.

‘How much caffeine and sugar have you had today?’

‘I might be a little... keyed up,’ he admitted. ‘It’s been some time since my services were dispensed with.’

‘But it’s Jonah.’ Sue considered his hand which was resting on the table. It was trembling. Holding it was unthinkable.

Kent nodded. ‘It’s wonderful,’ he said seriously. ‘It still doesn’t feel quite real.’

Sue rested her chin in her hand. ‘What happened?’

Kent seemed to notice that his hands were shaking. He clasped them together. ‘We went to play basketball. Several congressmen were there along with Roger Furlong. They snubbed Jonah and when we went to play Horse, he fired me for dunking.’

Sue’s lips twitched. ‘ln a fit of pique he fired his only staffer, a person who urged him not to take the steps which caused him to be cast out by his colleagues?’

‘Precisely.’ He looked up as the server brought their order. ‘Thank you.’

Sue shook her head. ‘He sits on committees. He votes on laws.’

Kent shrugged. ‘Not for long.’

‘No?’

‘His term ends soon, and the whisper is that he’ll be replaced on the ticket with his cousin, Jeff.’

Sue took a sip of her coffee. ‘Good. Why on Earth anyone ever thought he should be in Congress I have _no_ idea.’

Kent attacked his pie with a fork. ‘There’s no intelligence test for members of the House,’ he said. ‘With good cause.’

Sue regarded him. ‘Are you going to… I assume that you have plans in place? Possible alternative employment, savings, investments…’

He settled a little. ‘Insurance will cover my basic requirements for several months. However, we are considering… perhaps I shouldn’t tell you.’

She raised her eyebrows. ‘If you are attempting to be alluring then you are missing the mark.’

Kent let this go without comment. ‘You have abandoned us,’ he said. ‘Working for Montez. Tut tut.’

Sue snorted. ‘You worked for Jonah. Montez certainly never agitated to relax the rules on private prisons or similar.’

He shrugged. ‘To be fair, that wasn’t his idea. His only actual policy interests were getting rid of Daylight-Saving Time and addressing the opioid crisis in New Hampshire.’

Sue paused. ‘He cares about the opioid crisis?’

‘Astonishing, I know,’ Kent said. ‘Everything else was done to appease the Tanzes. He is entirely at Shawnee’s pleasure.’

Sue shuddered. ‘That is a horrific image.’

Kent paused for a moment. ‘In specifics, yes. I cannot pretend not to understand the impulse. Jonah has little to recommend him to the sex of his choice. Having somehow achieved the, admittedly grudging, companionship of a reasonably attractive woman it’s not surprising that even Jonah works hard to appear… amenable to her.’

Sue ran her thumb around her cup. ‘You appear quite sympathetic.’

He shrugged. ‘Empathetic perhaps. I don’t feel pity for Jonah since his inability to connect with.... almost anyone, given that it is entirely deserved.’

She crossed her legs. ‘You can’t seriously be suggesting that you share Jonah’s... Jonah-ness.’

Kent smiled slightly. ‘You would be the first person to tell me that I lack social polish.’

‘Surely not the _first_ ,’ she said sweetly.

She expected a sharp retort. Possibly pointing out that she had married a gay man who needed a decoy.

Instead he sighed. ‘The point remains. I am empathetic to struggling to make a social connection, be it romantic, platonic, or otherwise.’

Sue looked at her plate. ‘I heard that you were dating a variety of women. Living quite the bachelor lifestyle.’

‘Well, I don’t have any single, lesbian friends desperate to fool their parents.’

Sue took a bite of food. ‘I was waiting for that.’

‘Admittedly it wasn’t the most original humorous comment.’

‘It was supposed to be humorous?’

Kent shrugged idly. ‘Mildly ironic, certainly.’

‘Am I supposed to believe that you have any lesbian friends?’

‘No single ones, certainly,’ Kent said. ‘Although I suppose if one in a couple was in the same situation...’

‘You’re rambling,’ he said.

‘I’m on a sugar high.’

‘I hope you don’t intend to tell me that you’re on a diet,’ she said.

‘Food’s never been my vice,’ he said.

‘Said the man devouring pie.’

He gave her an odd, pointed look. ‘I eat what I wish and enjoy it. I neither overindulge, nor do I torture myself with guilt over it as I obsess about some medically unhealthy goal determined by a combination of social pressures and self-loathing.’

Sue threw a spoon at him. He laughed as he caught it.

‘Did I touch a nerve?’

‘Keep it up and you’ll see me touch you,’ Sue threatened.

He raised his eyebrows. ‘That’s not at all as aggressive as you imagine. At least not aggressive in the way you imagine.’

Sue felt her skin grow hot. ‘And you’re not as amusing as you imagine.’

‘I’m a little giddy,’ he admitted. ‘I almost didn’t stop to change.’

‘What were you wearing?’

He opened his sports bag and indicated the shocking yellow shorts and singlet.

Sue winced.

‘That colour is hideous,’ she said. ‘And how small are your shorts?’

Kent waved a hand. ‘Vibrant colours are extremely fashionable.’

She cocked her head. ‘Among teenage girls. Are you a teenage girl?’

He actually seemed to think about it. ‘I have thought that if some form of continuing existence is possible after death, perhaps as a sort of... energy recycling, that I would like to be a woman.’

Sue blinked at him. ‘You don’t believe in a higher power.’

‘I do not, there is no evidence for it,’ he said. ‘However, the universe is a closed system and energy cannot be created or destroyed. We are a mass of electrical, chemical, and kinetic energy. When we die that energy is released. Our bodies rot, sure, but the chemicals return to the earth, our atoms are released back to the universe. We came from star stuff. We return to star stuff.’

Sue clenched her shoulders. ‘I don’t like this conversation.’

He held up his hands. ‘Apologies. I’m aware that some people find it uncomfortable to contemplate their own mortality.’

She scowled. ‘I am regretting that my compassion led me to suggest coming in here.’

His face dropped. ‘Please don’t say that,’ he said quietly.

Sue fussed with her food. ‘You’re not going to do anything.’

‘Do anything?’

She braced herself. ‘Anything… unwise.’

Kent licked his lips. ‘Sue, do you honestly imagine that I would take my own life over _Jonah_?’

‘Your job is how you measure success,’ she said. ‘Losing your position with Selina evidently made you desperate or you would never have begun working for Jonah.’

‘Ouch,’ he said mildly.

‘Plus, you have no wife or partner, few friends, and your family is in Oregon,’ she said. ‘It’s common for men your age to have poor social support networks.’

Kent laughed. ‘I wasn’t feeling like killing myself before but after that...’

‘It’s not funny,’ she said severely.

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Why, don’t you have an appropriate dress for a funeral?’

‘I’m serious,’ she insisted.

He shrugged. ‘I don’t know why. You don’t give a shit about me.’

Sue stared at him. ‘That’s not true.’

Kent leaned forward. ‘Sue, it’s okay. You got over me a long time ago. A long time before I got over you. The difference is that I... I still have affection for you. You don’t have to pretend reciprocity. I don’t know why you are. You made your feelings pretty clear.’

She looked down at her hands. They were clenched into fists. ‘You don’t know me.’

He squirmed in his seat. ‘George seems nice,’ he said.

‘Doubtless Effie told you the situation.’

‘Doubtless,’ he agreed. ‘But I’m glad you had someone to look after you when you were unwell.’

She glowered at him, challenging him to look her in the eye.

‘Same old Sue,’ he said mildly. ‘Still so angry at the universe for daring not to do everything you demand.’

‘It’s a chemical imbalance,’ she snarled.

He nodded. ‘It’s extremely common, particularly among intelligent people in high-powered jobs.’

Sue forced her hands to relax. ‘Don’t flatter me. I’m not Selina.’

‘Don’t flatter you? I really don’t know you.’

She pulled a face at him. ‘Hilarious.’

‘Truth in jest and all that,’ he said.

She started to gather her things together.

‘I was glad to see you back at the West Wing,’ he said as she stood up. ‘I was concerned.’

She clenched her jaw. ‘Why do random people think I want the pressure of their worry?’

Kent looked up at her. ‘ln reverse order, you don’t feel pressured by my feelings, Lord knows you never did before, and I’m not a “random person.” We might not be friends, but we were colleagues. We were lovers for a little while.’

‘Don’t say that,’ she said.

‘Lovers?’ He smiled slightly. ‘Are you one of those people who has a particular aversion to the word?’

She hesitated, unsure exactly which part had made her stomach lurch and heave. ‘Yes,’ she said, sure it wasn’t that.


	3. Chapter 3

George was ironing. The scent of warm, clean clothes curled down the stairs and into the living room. Sue sipped her glass of wine as she walked upstairs.

‘This is a lot of trouble to pick up a bit of rough,’ Sue said, standing in his doorway.

‘Wash your mouth out,’ George said. ‘ _I_ happen to have standards. So does my suitor.’

She smiled slightly and folded her arms as she leaned against the doorpost. ‘Oh, you have a _suitor_. Is this the same suitor as the other night?’

George hung up the sharply ironed shirt. ‘You know, I think it might be,’ he said.

Sue licked her lips. ‘Jimmy?’

‘James.’ His tone was blandly casual, but he glanced at her nervously.

Sue caught his eye. ‘Third date?’

‘Who’s keeping score?’ he asked airily.

‘Not you,’ Sue said lightly. She stepped past him to pick up a bottle of aftershave. ‘This one. You always use too much of the other one.’

George scowled at her playfully. ‘You’re always telling me what to do.’

‘I’m always trying to make you less embarrassing.’

George held up a couple of belts. ‘The black or the brown?’

‘What colour tie are you wearing?’

He cocked his head. ‘I’m not your boy, Kent. I’m not wearing a tie.’

‘But you’re wearing a belt?’

George shot her a look. ‘If my pants end up around my ankles it’s going to be because I dropped them. Not because they fell down on their own. You go around with your _hips_ holding up your little skirts.’

Sue smirked. ‘Men are so badly designed.’

‘Sure,’ George said. ‘Tell me again about your PMS.’

She rolled her eyes and turned around. ‘Lucky for you that James apparently has low standards.’

‘What’s Kent’s number?’ George asked.

Sue blinked. ‘Kent Davison?’

‘No, the other Kent you dumped,’ George replied.

‘Why?’ she asked suspiciously.

His shrug was too casual. ‘He seems like a nice guy and he’s down on his luck. I want to invite him around.’

Sue snorted. ‘You’re not his type.’

‘You sure? We already know he likes tall and black.’

Sue waved a hand. ‘Enjoy your delusion. See if I care.’

‘If you don’t still have a thing for him then why would you care?’

Sue strolled out. ‘Delusional,’ she called back.

***

Sue woke POTUS up at her desk. Selina Meyer popped pills and smoked. Laura Montez had appalling insomnia and frequently fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

‘It’s time for the Intelligence briefing.’ Sue said.

‘Hijo de puta,’ Montez groaned. She looked at Sue’s expression. ‘What?’

‘You just called me a son of a whore.’

Montez sighed. ‘I thought it was like... damn.’

Sue shook her head. ‘Puta is whore. Hijo –’

‘I get it.’ Montez froze. ‘Oh. I said that last week to the minority leader.’

Sue’s lips twitched. ‘He has been called much worse. President Meyer called him worse.’

‘To his face?’

‘At least once,’ Sue said. ‘As did Ben Cafferty.’

Montez took a sip of coffee. ‘Ben Cafferty says that sort of thing to everyone.’ She sat back. ‘And they were in the same party. You can be as rude as you like to your own party. You have to be politer to the other party.’

Sue looked blank. ‘Do we?’

Montez checked her makeup. ‘To their faces anyway.’ She looked at Sue. ‘How are you doing? Two weeks back, everything going ok?’

Sue gripped her tablet tightly. ‘Fine, thank you. Ma’am.’

‘I want to make sure that we’re looking after you,’ Montez said. ‘But I can see that you’re uncomfortable with discussing this. How’s George?’

‘Fine,’ Sue said. ‘He has a new boyfriend, so every other word is James this and James that. It’s revolting.’

Montez smiled. ‘Sounds disgusting,’ she agreed. ‘He’s being careful? We need to avoid any scandal.’

‘He understands,’ Sue said. ‘Being outed would also be extremely damaging for him personally as well as politically for us.’

‘Our base has quite a conservative component,’ Montez said carefully. ‘Meyer’s daughter being in an openly lesbian relationship wasn’t a problem because her base love all that stuff. ‘My kids... yikes. I’d be in trouble.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘There were death threats.’

‘Against Catherine Meyer?’ Montez shook her head. ‘That’s like threatening a duckling.’

Sue shrugged. ‘Some people find the very existence of different sexualities and races offensive.’

Montez sighed. ‘Yeah, well, change takes time.’

‘I’ll have your car brought round,’ Sue said.

‘Oh, hey, have you heard anything about Selina Meyer recently?’ Montez forced a laugh. ‘I heard a crazy rumour that she’s planning to run.’

Sue stared at her. ‘For president?’

‘I know, it’s insane.’

Sue shook her head. ‘Kent and Ben didn’t say anything. If she were to consider it, I’m sure she would attempt to recruit them. She relied very heavily on them.’

She’d said something she shouldn’t have. She could see the interest spark and Montez immediately try to hide it.

‘Well if you hear anything I appreciate knowing. Thanks, Sue!’

Damn. Obviously, Montez thought she might be used as a source of unwitting information. That was insulting. Selina Meyer had been a terrible boss and a worse president. But she had never, ever, imagined that Sue was stupid.

She texted Kent’s number to George. There was no logical reason it should feel like rebellion. Nonetheless, it did.

***

Sue drew a bath, poured a glass of wine, and put fresh batteries into her vibrator. She put on some like piano music, slid into the bath and took a sip of her wine. it had been a long day in a long week. George was at the gym, which meant that she could take her time and relax. She had grown up one of seven children. She understood the luxury of solitude.

Lots of people didn’t. Kent didn’t. For all people sneered at him for being cold, for being robotic, he was actually not keen on isolation. He wasn’t good at social interaction, but he still preferred it to the alternative.

Sue turned on her vibrator and plunged it beneath the water. Men. Even the ones who should keep to themselves didn’t. Kent didn’t like being alone. Ironic, given his dating history. She leaned back and closed her eyes.

It was ridiculous. He was good looking. He was clean and tidy. He was relatively successful. He was perhaps something of an acquired taste in his personality. But he was attentive, interested, affectionate, gentle...

The vibrator buzzed as she pushed it in circles.

He was good in bed. Never complained about cunnilingus or aggressively demanded fellatio. Patient. Giving. Open to new things but not pushy. She’d slept with much worse. She’d dated much worse. Men who didn’t appreciate her mind, who didn’t spark her passion, men who didn’t drive her absolutely crazy.  

Sue opened her eyes. Shit.

***

‘I just don’t understand why you would invite him round,’ Sue said, pacing the kitchen.

‘Him?’ George echoed, checking the stove.

‘Them. I said them.’

‘You said him.’ George put his hand on the counter. ‘Someone invites you to dinner then you return the invitation. That’s just good manners. I know you’re as rude as fuck, Susie, but you weren’t raised by wolves.’

Sue folded her arms as she paced. ‘Joyce invited us round and Ben, by default.’

‘It’d be weird not to invite Kent,’ he said. ‘People have dinner parties, Susie. It’s what grownups do.’

‘With friends or colleagues. They’re not either.’

She didn’t like the way he was looking at her.

‘What’s got into you?’ he asked quietly. ‘Do I need to call Doctor Mayhew?’

Sue gathered herself up. ‘I am not having a crisis.’

‘Okay.’

‘Why is it so odd that I wouldn’t wish to spend time around my ex?’

He snorted. ‘Because you worked alongside him for months without any problem.’

She threw up her arms. ‘It didn’t bother me then! It bothers me now.’

‘It didn’t bother you at the dinner party,’ George countered. ‘You were having a ball with your sour cream and flirting, don’t look at me like that, Susie, I know straight flirting when I see it.’ He paused. ‘And... and you _just_ realised that you want him back and that’s why your little ass is twitchy.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Jesus, you’re a grown woman. Quit acting like a teenager.’

Sue swallowed. ‘I am not twitchy –’

‘You’re ready to cut a bitch for coughing.’

‘And I do not want... that.’ She set her jaw. ‘You are being ridiculous.’

‘Ridiculous is that you can’t even say it!’ George waved a hand at the table. ‘Go set the table and think how you’re going persuade him to give you another shot.’

Sue scowled as she grabbed the cutlery. ‘I’m not doing it because you said to and I’m certainly not doing it because I agree. I’m doing it because I am annoyed and cannot deal with your idiocy.’ She spun on her heel and marched away.

‘Maybe try lacy panties,’ George called. ‘Or a leather cat suit. He seems the type to like that sort of thing.’

Persuade Kent? _Persuade Kent?_ All she’d have to do was snap her fingers and he’d be there. On his knees! Give her a shot? Give _her_ a shot? She was the best thing to ever happen to him and he goddamn knew he it!

‘Godzilla, quit stomping around and open the door,’ George called. ‘Someone’s knocking.’

She should have asked George if Kent was bringing someone with him. But she couldn’t do that because George would have made it A Thing. It wasn’t a thing. If anything, she had assumed that he would bring Effie. That would have been much less awkward than this. This was definitely A Thing.

***

George was trying to get his scandals straight, so to be speak.

‘So, she’s the one with the boyfriend politician who got caught drink driving and came on to a cop?’

‘Fiancé,’ Sue corrected. ‘Yes.’

‘In Nevada?’

‘Right.’

He poured two Martinis. ‘So, why is she in our living room with your boy?’

Sue glanced back at the assorted guests. ‘They’re not “together.” I think it’s the Effie situation again.’ She scowled at him. ‘Don’t look at me that way.’

He sipped his drink. ‘What way?’

She gave Joyce her drink with rather more force than necessary and then hissed her reply to George. ‘The _oh, I meant why here, not why with him_ , look.’

He grinned. ‘I said all that with a look? Damn, I’m good. Also, I have a point.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘She dumped Buddy when he quit the gubernatorial race.’

George turned to look at Amy. ‘Bad day to be Buddy. Still, she seems a little young for Kent.’

‘She’s a year younger than me,’ Sue snorted. ‘They’re not dating.’

‘Over your dead body?’ he asked sweetly.

‘Of course not. I don’t care what he does, but she has absolutely terrible taste in men and would never date him.’ She scowled at him. ‘Stop smirking. You know what I meant.’

‘I know what you _think_ you meant.’

***

Amy looked like a doll next to George. She had drunk far too much and was explaining something by holding up her pinkie finger and waggling it.

‘Jesus, I hope she’s not talking about Bobby’s dick,’ Ben said.

‘Buddy,’ Kent corrected.

Ben shot him a look. ‘Buddy? That’s the name of a cowboy’s horse.’

‘Not with a penis that small,’ Joyce cackled.

‘No more gin for you,’ Sue said.

‘It’s the dessert,’ Ben said. ‘Chocolate always does this to her.’

Kent scratched his forehead. ‘You had a chocolate fountain at your wedding.’

Ben smiled in innocence. ‘Yeah. It was amazing.’

Kent rolled his eyes at Sue as Ben shambled off. ‘Horrifying isn’t it?’

Sue tensed and gulped her Martini. ‘I didn’t know that you and Amy were... close.’

He gave an easy shrug. He used to be a little nervous around her and a lot more eager to please.

‘She’s a friend,’ he said. He lowered his voice and moved a little closer.

Sue had to force herself not to step back or do something even worse. Like lean in and...

‘She was a little hurt,’ he said quietly. ‘That you hadn’t invited her.’

‘What?’

He looked a little sheepish. ‘She wouldn’t admit it, but her feelings were hurt. So, I invited her. George said it was fine.’

Sue clenched her shoulders. ‘That’s ridiculous. She’s a grown woman.’

Kent scanned her face. ‘You remember that she recently parted ways with her fiancé?’

Sue rubbed her arms. ‘Most of us part ways with unneeded lovers without whining overmuch.’

He winced. ‘Perhaps it’s also worth noting that Amy’s social circle is almost exclusively drawn from work, and she no longer has the breadth of choice that she once did.’ He pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘Not everyone has your ability to make and keep friends.’

It wasn’t presented as a compliment but with an edge of chiding, a gentle hint that she should be more sympathetic to those less capable than herself. It wasn’t the first time. He had called her heartless, when things were bad. When irritation bled into impatience and agitation corroded into anger, he had called her self-righteous and cruel. She had been furious of course, more furious for the prickling sensation that he was right.   

‘Apologies,’ Kent said. ‘Perhaps that was abrasive. It wasn’t my intent.’

Sue licked her lips. ‘A little,’ she said. ‘But you’re not wrong.’ She set her shoulders. ‘As someone with a robust social circle it would behove me to perhaps work a little harder to include Amy.’

Kent swirled his drink around his glass. ‘That would be kind.’

‘I can be kind,’ she said too quickly.

She didn’t know how to interpret his look, let alone his small smile.

‘I believe that,’ he said.

***

Kent gave her a hug when he left. Ben did too, of course, but that was just Ben. Evidently there were women who found him attractive, enough to have affairs with him, but Sue found him utterly sexless. Hugging him was like hugging Joyce or Amy.

Kent was many things, but he was not sexless. When he put his arms around her, she stiffened, surrounded by the scent of his skin and the warmth of his body. His hands were light on her back, a step past polite, but not demanding. Never that. He kissed her cheek and she shivered, remembering kisses past.

She thought that he hadn’t noticed. Then she saw his expression. Saw the hurt and concern.

‘Did I –’

‘No.’ She pecked his cheek, too quickly, too firmly, and stepped back. ‘Thank you for coming.’

He swallowed. ‘Sue, if I did something –’

‘No,’ she insisted more firmly. ‘I’m tired. It’s been a long day.’

Kent was quiet for a handful of seconds. She thought he was about to argue but then George moved to Sue’s side.

‘Am I interrupting?’ George asked.

‘No,’ Sue said. ‘Goodnight Kent.’

He was still uncertain and uneasy. Still worried that he’d done something wrong.

‘I’ll see you around,’ he said. ‘Goodnight.’

Sue avoided George’s eye as she walked back to the kitchen. She heard him say goodbye to the Caffertys and follow her to the kitchen.

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘We’re done,’ she demanded. ‘No more ridiculous parties. No more pretending that we give a shit about people I barely cared about when I worked with them.’

You don’t give a shit about me. Kent had said that. Had accused her of that.

George didn’t say anything. He just pulled Sue close and held her as she cried.

***

Sue pulled the pillow over her head. She felt the bed dip as George sat down and turned off her alarm.

‘Go away.’

‘I made your breakfast,’ he said.

‘Go away but leave the breakfast.’

George pulled the covers off her head. ‘Seriously, Susie? You’re gonna lie around in bed because of a guy?’

She sat up abruptly. ‘How dare you!’

‘That’s better.’ George shrugged. ‘Not saying do nothing about him, but don’t do this.’

‘Shut up.’ Sue gulped her coffee. ‘I don’t care about Kent.’

‘I didn’t say his name,’ George said sweetly.

Sue pulled a face. ‘Who else would you be droning on about, Ben?’

‘Not really a bear boy,’ George said. He made himself more comfortable: ‘So, what’s the plan with your boy? Don’t say skulking in bed feeling sorry for yourself. That plan sucks. New plan.’

She stabbed her eggs with her fork. ‘There’s no plan. He’s not my anything.’

George sighed. ‘Susie, I saw you last night. I saw the way you looked at him. I heard the way your voice caught when you spoke to him. I saw your face when he gave you a hug to go. Come on. Plan time.’

Sue shook her head. ‘He’s had opportunity to indicate interest. He didn’t.’

George flicked her nose. ‘Your argument isn’t that you have to wait for him to make the first move. It cannot be.’

She folded her arms. ‘I don’t chase after men. I have too much too much self-respect.’

George snorted. ‘Girl, you are full of shit. You don’t have self-respect. You have fear of rejection. Would he say yes? I don’t know. Rejection hurts, that for sure, but you’re a grown damn woman! Pull on your big girl panties and ask him.’

Sue sipped her coffee. ‘How many times did you practice that?’

‘Couple times,’ he said meekly. ‘I didn’t want to sound too rehearsed.’

She wrinkled her nose. ‘Sounded very cliched.’

‘Oof,’ he complained. ‘Are you gonna do it?’

‘No.’

‘Please?’


	4. Chapter 4

Sue did not do much grocery shopping. When she had been single, she used meal plans or similar. George had been incredulous. So had Kent, actually. Although only Kent had taken her grocery shipping. The irony in him taking her grocery shopping to Whole Foods instead of simply buying meal plans appeared to completely escape him.

She hadn’t been back since they broke up. There was something about the store which she intrinsically linked to Kent.

She sipped her vegetable juice. Kent went grocery shopping on a Sunday after noon. At least she hoped he still did that, otherwise she was going to waste a lot of time.

Sue checked her phone. It was nearly four. Perhaps it was too late to –

‘Hello.’

She jumped. Her phone sprang from her hand and across the table. Kent lunged forward, caught it neatly, and returned it to her.

‘Nearly escaped,’ he said.

‘Bad phone,’ she said, trying to smile.

Kent licked his lips. ‘I didn’t know you shopped here.’

‘I have vegetable juice,’ she said. ‘It’s awful. Would you like one?’

He scratched his elbow. ‘Does it have to be awful?’

Sue shrugged. ‘How do you know it’s healthy if it doesn’t taste terrible?’

He nodded. ‘Good point.’

She stood up. ‘I’ll get it.’

It was too abrupt, she could see it in his expression.

‘Okay,’ he said meekly.

Damn it. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. She was supposed to notice him and be politely surprised. They’d talk and she’d nonchalantly work it into the conversation. it was supposed to be casual and relaxed.

Fuck.

She stamped back to the table with his drink, gave it to him, and sat down.

Ask him how he is. Tell him he looks well.

Easy.

‘I was glad to see –’ he began.

‘It’s good to see you’re still shopping here,’ she said at the same time.

He hesitated. ‘You said it was pretentious.’

She chewed her lower lip. ‘Well, you’re trying to stay fit and healthy. Eating well is important, especially at your age.’

His face dropped. ‘Right. At my age.’

‘I didn’t mean –’

‘I wanted to ask if I had offended you,’ he said quietly. ‘At your dinner party. Evidently I did.’

‘No,’ she said quickly.

He clasped his hands together. ‘I thought that we had achieved parity and that we could be friends. I apologise for misunderstanding the situation.’

‘I don’t want to be your friend.’ She grabbed his hand before he could react. ‘I don’t know how you feel about me. I hate this. I hate feeling like I might throw up. I hate babbling because I’m afraid of what you might say when I stop.’

He didn’t say anything. That was worse.

‘I didn’t want to do this,’ Sue said. ‘George made me.’

Kent looked down at her hand. ‘Have you ever read _Pride and Prejudice_?’

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘What does have to do with anything?’

He shrugged. ‘There’s a line about telling someone that you like them against your will.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘You’re not helping.’

‘That’s rather my point.’ Kent put his hand over hers. ‘I’m aware that you’ve been… unwell, recently, and –’

‘I’m fine,’ she insisted. She forced herself to meet his eye and faltered a little. ‘I’m okay,’ she said more quietly. ‘Some days are better than others.’

Her hairs prickled as his thumb gently rubbed her hand.

‘Okay,’ he said.

‘If you’re going to say no, then can you get on with it,’ Sue said tightly.

He chuckled. ‘Same Sue as ever.’ He licked his lips. ‘I’m not saying no.’  

‘Why would I change?’ she asked tartly. ‘I’m perfect.’

He smiled slightly. ‘This must be hell for you, actually admitting you don’t hate everyone, and unprovoked too.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘You provoked me. You hugged me.’

He winced. ‘You took it so badly. I felt like I’d assaulted you.’

‘You’re always so melodramatic,’ she grumbled. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Are you?’ he asked. ‘When my mom died, I didn’t take it well either.’

She stiffened. ‘It was a chemical imbalance. The brain can do that. A perfectly normal response can trigger an imbalance. It’s not as if I tried to kill myself.’

Kent nodded. ‘Taking to your bed for two months seems much more appealing.’

‘Six weeks,’ Sue said. ‘And after the first week George kept dragging me to the pool or the gym.’

Kent raised his eyebrows. ‘Exercise can be quite helpful I believe.’

Sue pursed her lips. ‘I threatened to cut off his testicles while he slept.’

‘Hmm. Less helpful I imagine.’ Kent shifted a little in his seat. ‘Sue, I don’t wish to be Andrew.’

She looked at him blankly.

‘I don’t wish to be a crutch that you cling to because I’m familiar even as I exploit you.’

Sue nodded. ‘Ah, Andrew Meyer. That was an esoteric reference.’

‘Apologies, I keep forgetting that you abandoned us.’

She pulled a face. ‘You take it personally when it was nothing to do with you.’

His lips tugged into a faint smirk. ‘You realise that’s worse?’

She leaned back. ‘I’ve been sat here a ridiculous amount of time waiting for you, so don’t whine that I don’t pay you attention.’

He blinked. ‘You were waiting here for me?’

‘Yes,’ she said grudgingly.

‘To tell me... To ask me...’

‘Don’t make it a big thing,’ she said.

He tilted his head. ‘It’s _quite_ a big thing.’

She scowled at him.

‘It’s never happened to me before,’ he said. ‘I can’t imagine that you’ve ever done it before.’

Sue set her jaw. ‘I knew this was a bad idea.’

‘It took me a long time to get over you,’ he said quietly. ‘It was nobody’s fault that I was more invested. Nobody is to blame. But if you’re doing this because... you’re lonely, or vulnerable, or if you’re doing it because I’m a convenient, comfortable choice, then that’s not fair.’

Sue hunched her shoulders. ‘You think you were more invested?’

‘You _told_ me that I was. You told me I was taking it too seriously. That we had no future.’ He looked away for a moment.

‘I shouldn’t have said that.’ Sue pushed her glass away.

He shrugged. ‘Maybe it was true.’

‘You don’t believe that. You didn’t believe it then,’ she said firmly.

Kent pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘This is a lot, Sue.’

She swallowed. ‘You didn’t want to break up.’

‘I didn’t,’ he agreed. ‘It was… difficult for a long time. Nonetheless, things between us weren’t working.’ He tapped his fingers on the table. ‘I need some time to think about it. It’s a big decision and I want to consider all the factors. Is that okay?’

Sue straightened her back. ‘Of course,’ she said smoothly. ‘Take as much time as you need.’

***

Sue didn’t say anything as walked into the living room. She hung up her coat, put her shoes on the rack, and put her bag on the stand.

‘Is that you, Susie?’ George called from the kitchen.

‘Yes,’ she said, heading to the stairs. ‘I’m going to bed.’

She heard the kitchen door open.

‘Kind of early isn’t it?’ George asked quietly.

‘I’m tired.’

She heard him sigh.

‘I think we’ve got some banana pudding still,’ he said. ‘I could bring some up.’

Sue shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry.’

George touched her hand. ‘It’s comfort food.’

She pulled her hand back as she turned to face him. ‘I’m okay.’

He scanned her face. ‘Yeah?’

Sue thought about it. ‘Yes. I’m okay. Disappointed. Saddened. But okay.’

George shook his head. ‘I can’t believe the asshole said no. He’s not going to do better than you.’

She allowed herself a wry smile. ‘He said he needed to think about it.’

‘That bastard!’

‘I know.’ She straightened her sleeves. ‘I’m better off without him.’

‘Damn straight you are,’ George agreed.

Sue leaned forward to kiss his cheek. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘I’m sorry, Susie,’ George said softly. ‘I thought –’

She shook her head. ‘It’s okay. It was the right thing to do. It just didn’t work out.’

***

Weekend. Sue starred at the ceiling. She could hear George snoring. It would be nice to wake him up rudely for once.

It was an effort to roll onto her side. An effort to move across to the edge of the bed and sit up. She found a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. They were passably clean. There had been weeks when she had worn nothing else. Now they were simply transitional. Something to wear before she showered and put on fresh clothes for the day ahead.

She made herself coffee and a big bowl of oatmeal. It was more than she’d had for breakfast in a long time. She hadn’t been hungry in days. Now she was.

‘Look at you up before me,’ George said, wandering into the kitchen.

‘Statistically it had to happen sooner or later.’

‘Not sure that’s how that works.’ George yawned as he put on the coffeemaker. ‘You sleep okay?’

She scraped her spoon around the bowl. ‘Not really.’ She played with her spoon. ‘I made a terrible mistake.’

‘Telling Kent that you wanted him back?’  

She shook her head. ‘No. Not that.’

George sat opposite her. ‘You think maybe you still have a shot?’

‘He doesn’t trust me,’ she said quietly. ‘I wouldn’t trust me either.’

‘You are hard work,’ George said. ‘But he thought you were worth it once.’

Sue looked up as someone knocked at the front door. ‘Your boyfriend knows I live here too, right?’

‘Nobody booty calls at this time of the morning,’ George snorted.

Sue got up. ‘I’ll tell him to take a number and wait his turn.’

‘He’s a cute blond,’ George called after her. ‘Accept no substitutes.’

Sue waved him off. She wandered out to the living room. She hadn’t met any of George’s dates in a while. James was the first serious boyfriend in almost six months. His last relationship had been a beautiful, passionate, epic disaster. She hoped this one would be happier. Or less eventful at least.

There was another tap at the door. Sue pulled a face.

‘Calm down,’ she said, unlocking the door. ‘You have all day to…’

Kent was wearing dark blue jeans, a t-shirt, hiking boots, and a flannel shirt.

‘Oh,’ Sue said.

‘Hi,’ he said. He tilted his head. ‘I thought we could talk about… About what you said yesterday.’

Sue licked her lips. ‘I’d like that.’

The End


End file.
